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Dialogue Following Song No. 1
(Enter Pennyfather, L.)
Pen. You’ll excuse my keeping you waiting, sir, but the fact is —
Sel. Why, Pennyfather, old boy, don’t you know me?
Pen. Oh, of course, yes; how d’ye do? (Shaking hands.) I say, though — who are you?
Sel. Don’t you remember Harry Selworthy?
Pen. (putting on pince-nez) Why of course I do! (Shaking hands.) But — how much you’re altered! Ah, yes, of course — it’s the beard. Sit down, sit down; I’ve very glad to see you, very glad indeed. (Sel. sits C. Pen. stands R., regarding him.) And what have you been doing with yourself since I saw you?
Sel. You know I left England intending to invest that legacy of mine in cattle-farming in America.
Pen. And did you do so? (Sitting R. of table.)
Sel. (with assumed indifference). Yes. Went into partnership with a Western man; I found the capital, he the experience.
Pen. And how did you get on?
Sel. Oh, the old story. In six months he had the capital and I had the experience.
Pen. Dear me! What did you do next?
Sel. Bought a toothbrush and a revolver, and went down to Texas.
Pen. What did you do there?
Sel. The first thing I did was to shoot a sheriff. People were so delighted with my spirit of enterprise, that they offered me his berth.
Pen. Do you take it?
Sel. No. Played euchre same night with a silver-miner, my toothbrush against his boots; won his boots. Played him toothbrush and boots against his shirt; won that. Played him toothbrush, boots, and shirt against his braces; won again. Played toothbrush, boots, shirt and braces against his —
Pen. (looking round). S-s-s-h!
Sel. Well, I won the entire outfit.
Pen. What did you do then?
Sel. Crossed over the Rio Grande into Mexico. They were getting up a Revolution there, and, as I had two shirts, they made me Governor.
Pen. Did you govern long?
Sel. No. I collected the revenues as quickly as possible, and abdicated one night down the river in a canoe; invested in sheep-farming, made money, took ship for England, and — here I am!
Pen. Well, after doing all that, I dare say you’d like a brandy and soda. (Going to bell on table, back of R.C.)
Sel. I shouldn’t mind. And what have you been doing?
Pen. Oh, the old drudgery. (Rings.)
Sel. Ah, you business-men always grumble at your professions, but I know you really love them.
Pen. We’re obliged to stick to them; but there’s no love lost between us. It’s just like — but you know the ordinary routine of a solicitor’s existence? (Returning, and coming forward, R.C.)
Sel. Not in the least. (Rising)
Pen. Then allow me to inform you.
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Page modified 20 September 2007