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The Variable Baby
Fun, X - 9th October 1869
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For A. espoused a wife | |
Young, lovely, and with money, | |
And people thought their life | |
Would be one moon of honey. |
But, ah, before a year | |
O'er life's rough road they'd jolted, | |
With some disgraceful peer | |
Good MRS. A. had bolted. |
While B., whose wife is plain, | |
Poor, cross, and half-demented, | |
Seems always, in the main, | |
Exceedingly contented. |
But there is C., his joy, — | |
(His wife, a year united, | |
Has given him a boy, | |
And C. is quite delighted). |
And STUTELY sees his pride, | |
And thinks it pleasant, rather, | |
(And also dignified) | |
To be a baby's father. |
"But, ah!" thinks he, "perhaps | |
This baby, full of graces, | |
May prove the worst of chaps, | |
And have the worst of faces! |
"To-day's bright source of joy | |
May joyless be to-morrow, | |
And this much-cherished boy | |
May bring his parents sorrow! |
"I'll see how he turns out, | |
His parents' care rewarding, | |
A Crichton or a lout, | |
And I'll be ruled according. |
"If Baby turns out well, | |
I certainly will marry — | |
If Baby proves a sell, | |
A bachelor I'll tarry!" |
Now, Baby's good as gold, | |
With cheeks as red as roses, | |
And STUTELY (rather old) | |
To some fair maid proposes: |
Now, Baby's cross and cries, | |
And won't let Nursey clean it; | |
And STUTELY seeks his prize, | |
And says he didn't mean it. |
Well, Baby, fat and bluff, | |
And first-rate health enjoying — | |
Is sometimes good enough, | |
And sometimes most annoying. |
And S., with puzzled fate, | |
Immediate marriage throws up, | |
And thinks he'd better wait | |
And see how Baby grows up. |
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And Instinct whispers, "Mate! | |
You're wasting time, you gaby!" | |
But Prudence whispers, "Wait! | |
And see what comes of Baby!" |
And Prudence gains the day, | |
For Baby takes to orgies: | |
He seeks the sinner's way, | |
And finally he forges. |
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Page Created 30 July, 2011